Holy Church of the Gaslighter

Ross Rosenberg left a video link on my FB page today. I had not met him before, yet he quickly turned me into a fan of his work. He gets it.

I especially like this video he posted, because I have experienced it with family members.  So spot on.

When Children Leave Their Parents

NPR radio show that sheds the light on a silent epidemic.

Description: Dr. Joshua Coleman, our guest this hour say’s there are a number of factors that contribute to family estrangements including divorce, selfishness and even technology. He’ll join host John Munson to explore the issue and talk about a growing trend that’s just heartbreaking.  When children tell parents they don’t want them in their lives anymore.

http://www.wpr.org/listen/704886

Public Survey

How many of you are interested in a weekly web series on sociopathy? The episodes will be chock-full of information and offer interviews with experts and leaders in the field of sociopathy and other topics that are interesting, compelling and aid in the recovery process. Would you pay a small monthly fee to get a different take on the subject?

Please email me to let me know you are interested and to offer topics you are interested in. marion@sociopathicstyle.com 

Partake in the online survey, if you wish.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NB7T8Z3

-Marion

Malignant Narcissism & Alternative Facts

Malignant narcissism is playing a big role in politics these days. Regardless of which side you’re on, it’s beneficial for all of us that main stream media is educating the masses about malignant narcissism and its affects on society.  Millions of people around the world are shaken up by the abrupt and merciless actions taken by our current POTUS, not only because his actions were unapproved and violated our constitution, but he also did not abide by the rules and norms of society word-wide, like most good leaders would.  He quickly dismantled policies that were good for all Americans, like our environment, for example, and national park lands that are considered sacred. Instead, he pushed policies that would make our national parks victim to mining and oil drilling. He has dismissed rational discussions with anyone who opposes him, and is quick to call opponents his enemies. That includes the fair press,  the people of the United States, leaders and citizens of other nations.

When someone acts hastily and pushes hard on people, there are usually dangerous plans lurking beneath the surface. Narcissists and sociopaths do not weigh the consequences. They want things done yesterday and, by God, they will get them done no matter what’s at stake. Another point I will make is that they will lie and call everyone else liars so they can easily vet those foolish people who will believe them, no matter what they do. Trump, himself, has said, “”I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, okay, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay?”

Those hard-core folks that will continue to stay on board with a malignant narcissist will eventually see that they were duped. It will be hard on them,  and they won’t know what hit them. Someday, something will click and they will see the light.  I believe, like in all relationships with a narcissist, there will be pain. The pain of having been so naive to believe in someone who did not care one iota about their well-being. I believe, our country will experience massive, collective PTSD.

However,  eventually, it will make us reach higher and we won’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by our so-called leaders. All our fears and antiquated belief systems have to crumble somehow, and what better way than through someone who has a frozen inner core?

Written by Marion Trent
https://www.SociopathicStyle.com

 

Is Sociopathy on the Rise?

My recent survey, taken by 100 people, has revealed the following:

Q: Do you think that sociopathy is on the rise?
1) YES: 85%
2) NO: 3%
3) NOT SURE: 10%
4) SKIPPED the question: 2%

Q: Where do you think sociopathy is most prevalent?
1) WORLD AFFAIRS: 7%
2) POLITICS: 28%
3) WORK PLACE: 8%
4) COMMUNITY: 1%
5) PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: 34%
6) OTHER (Every response said ALL OF THE ABOVE): 21%

Apparently, the majority feels the same. Sociopathy is on the rise. I had the idea to form a weekly or monthly study group online, that anyone could attend from anywhere in the world. It would offer private video access for a nominal fee. I would invite guests, now and again, who are experts in the field to share their work, in addition to my own work. Please offer your feedback about the idea via email: marion@sociopathicstyle.com

Thank you,
Marion Trent

How To Make Yourself A Better Person

Alan Wilson Watts (6 January 1915 – 16 November 1973) was a British-born American philosopher, writer, and speaker, best known as an interpreter and populariser of Eastern philosophy for a Western audience. Born in Chislehurst, England, he moved to the United States in 1938 and began Zen training in New York. Pursuing a career, he attended Seabury-Western Theological Seminary, where he received a master’s degree in theology. Watts became an Episcopal priest in 1945, then left the ministry in 1950 and moved to California, where he joined the faculty of the American Academy of Asian Studies.

Is Your Life A Journey?

Check out this video by Alan Watts. I have known this message, what seems like, all of my life. However, I have not heard it articulated this way before. I believe, that the most successful souls can be measured by how well they can see through the illusions that are continually thrust upon us, and by how well they have dropped the ego to expand their Light (Consciousness) and grow in Love, all the while knowing that we are ONE and that we take formulas (paths), ourselves and others WAY too seriously.

“Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you’re perfectly free.” -Rumi

Things You Can Do If You’re Estranged From Your Adult Child

If your adult child has cut you out of his or her life—whether for a long or short time—it is a gut-wrenching experience, provoking deep feelings of shame, guilt, bewilderment, and hurt, all of which can easily turn to anger. On top of that, it can also arouse people’s worst suspicions (surely, the Smiths must be terrible parents for their daughter to cut them off like that!) and leave you feeling judged, even by friends and family.

Sometimes, of course, there are circumstances in which cutting off from a parent is the only viable option for an adult child (age 18 and older), for instance, in the case of past or present physical, emotional or sexual abuse from a parent.

Many times, however, estranged parents are left in the dark trying to figure out what went wrong. And while it’s common to pin the reason for the estrangement on everything from money issues, to personality conflicts, to divorce or difficult family dynamics, when you are in the dark, the easiest target to hit is yourself—to believe that you “failed” as a parent.

But here’s the reality: you didn’t cause the relationship to be severed; it was not your choice. Although you may have contributed to the tensions between you, you are not responsible for your child’s choice to cut you off.

Shutting a person out is a response to anxiety and fusion. Your actions or lack of action didn’t cause this. Cutting off is a way people manage anxiety when they don’t know a better way. The love and caring is there; the ability to solve differences is not.
Many adult children struggle with their parents, or with money issues, etc., but not all of them cut ties with their parents. Why do some cut off while others go through similar struggles and stay connected?

The Flight Response: Why Some Kids Distance Themselves

We humans manage stress in pretty predictable ways. We have a “fight or flight” response just like other species. And some people are more prone to distancing (flight) when emotional intensity gets high.

Let’s take Joe, for example. Joe was living at home after college, and his parents felt he was aimless. He would sleep in late, not help around the house, wouldn’t get a steady job, and was rude and disrespectful. Joe’s parents were understandably concerned and anxious about his lack of direction. They would nag, yell, and question him daily as to his game plan. He would be vague or get nasty, which caused his parents to get on his back even more. Eventually, Joe moved out. He didn’t tell his parents where he moved and didn’t contact them for over a year.

Related: Is your child rude and disrespectful? Refuse to be abused.

To understand Joe’s response, we have to recognize that when some people feel anxious, tired of conflict or pressure, or too much of the sticky family “togetherness” called fusion, their response is to distance themselves, be it emotionally, physically or both. When a person distances from others, they feel a sense of relief because the distance seemingly brings the conflict to an end. Of course, nothing is actually resolved; instead, more stress is generated.

On the outside, it looks as though Joe and his parents are disconnected. But on the inside, they are actually thinking about each other all the time and remain overly focused on one another. They are, in fact, still extremely involved with one another: they are emotionally bound up together, even though all communication has ceased. Neither is free from the original problem; nor are they free from each other.

Extreme Distancing: Cutting Off

Distancing, at its extreme, turns to cutting off. It can occur after long periods of conflict or as a sudden reaction to a difficult encounter. Whatever the issue, the person doing the cutting off has difficulty addressing and resolving the problem directly and maturely. Instead, like Joe, they stop communicating. Continuing the relationship seems unmanageable to them.

When a parent and child are enmeshed (too emotionally bound up with each other), they are more susceptible to cutting off when anxiety is high. Joe and his parents, for instance, were overly involved and entangled with each other. He was not taking responsibility for himself, nor were his parents taking responsibility for themselves. His parents did not stand up and let him know what they would and wouldn’t accept. Instead they nagged, begged and hoped he would change. He dug his heels in deeper, did less when pushed, and refused to address his part of the problem. They were living in reaction to one another, rather than each taking responsibility for their part of the family “dance.” The only way that Joe could see to get out of this tight tangle was to distance and cut-off from his parents; he didn’t have the skills necessary to untie the knots, to grow up and face himself.

Parents feel powerless when no contact is possible; when they can’t negotiate or even talk with their child. Should you contact your child or not? How long should you try? What should you say?

If you’re in this difficult position, here are five things you can do.

Don’t go at this alone. Get support. Being cut off by your child, with no ability to understand, communicate and resolve things, is difficult enough. That’s why being connected to others who love and understand you is particularly important. In addition to reaching out to friends and family, consider joining a support group. If you are not able to function at your best, get some professional help.
Don’t cut off in response. You are not the one cutting ties; your child is. Don’t cut off your child in response. Continue to reach out to him, letting him know that you love him and that you want to mend whatever has broken. Send birthday and holiday messages as well as occasional brief notes or emails. Simply say that you are thinking about him and hope to have the opportunity to reconnect. Send your warmth, love, and compassion—as you get on with your life.

Step back, look and don’t feed the anger. It’s understandable to feel angry. And in their attempt to be supportive, friends and family may fuel your feelings of betrayal, inadvertently increasing your anger. Anger is natural, but not helpful. Step back and try to understand what led to this estrangement. What patterns were operating in your family dance? If you can look at your family from a more factual vantage point, it may feel less personal. No one is to blame. Now if the door opens, you will be in a much better position to reconcile.

If the door opens, listen to your child without defending yourself. Listen with an open heart. Listen to her perceptions of what wrongs took place. Even if you disagree with her, look for the grains of truth. Be willing to look at yourself. It’s hard to hear these criticisms, especially if your intentions were misunderstood. So prepare yourself to handle this. Your adult child may need to hold on to blame as a way to manage her own anxiety. Just letting her know that you hear her will go a long way. Keep in mind that she, too, had to be in tremendous pain to reach the point of shutting you out. Try to empathize with her pain rather than get caught up in the hurt and anger.

Focus on yourself, not your child. If you do begin communicating again, you will be in a position to learn from the mistakes of the past and work toward an improved relationship. Put your efforts into changing yourself, not your child. Let go of your resentments regarding the estrangement. Understand his need to flee…and forgive him. Get to know the adult child you have, not the child you think he should have been. Allow him to get to know you.

If your child still has made no contact, grieve the loss and know there is still hope. Try to manage your anxiety, and do the right thing by staying in touch with him in a non-intrusive way: occasionally and lovingly. Things may change. Rather than blame yourself or your child for this pain, use your energy to learn about yourself, your own family history and patterns in your other relationships. Look for other patterns of cutting off in your family tree.

Remember that shutting a person out is a response to anxiety and fusion. Your actions or lack of action didn’t cause this. Cutting off is a way people manage anxiety when they don’t know a better way. The love and caring is there; the ability to solve differences is not. You did not cause your child to turn away. That was her decision. It may have been a poor one, but it was the best she could do at the time. Try to get your focus off of her at least 50 percent of the day, which will make a difference.

Your pain is real. Be mindful and compassionate of it, but don’t allow it to define or overwhelm you. Put the focus on what you have control over:  your own life.

SOURCE: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/estranged-from-your-adult-child-5-things-you-can-do/

Become “Unfuckwithable” With Vishen

This is the replay of Vishen’s live webcast where we shared his hit presentation from A-Fest Greece that involves unifying ideas from three great teachers. Marisa Peer, Sonia Choquette and Dave Asprey. The speech is about “How to Hack Your Past, Present and Future to become Unfuckwithable.